Scientific Breakthrough of the Century: Communication with the League of Space Pirates

In the 1950’s RVAHub launched a satellite dubbed the Hubnaut to explore the depths of space. Scoffed at by scientists of the time for admittedly questionable technology and ignored by other media the project was quickly forgotten by most.

Original Hubnaut Blueprint

That didn’t prevent a small cadre of devoted Hub Scientist from continuing their work. Operating in a forgotten city fallout shelter these scientists tracked the Hubnaut for years. In June of 1956, they received what they assumed was the last series of messages from the satellite. The messages’ timestamps jumped backward and forward before abruptly ending. The scientists were divided. One group felt it was a simple system failure while others pointed to the possibility of cutting through the time curtain.

Fast forward to this week. The transponder receiver from the original lab, currently plugged in and used as a night light in our co-founder’s bedroom, came to life and began receiving messages. We contacted the surviving original scientists and set to work on translating the data. By all accounts, the data somehow appears to be from the future. The original time curtain theory seems to have validity. Using the data retrieved and technology that is likely illegal in the commonwealth we opened an unsteady line of communication with a group operating under the moniker the League of Space Pirates.

Below is our discussion with the League of Space Pirates, we apologize in advance (and past) if we accidentally destroy the fabric of time.

Editor’s Note: The rest of the video appeared to have been jammed by unknown sources we suspect the local government working in conjunction with the beginnings of Übercorp. After hours of diligent transcribing, human testing, and eating of pastries we were able to retrieve the rest of the interview.

RVAHub: In previous messages, you mentioned the development of Übercorp. Is there anything this timeline can do to stop its development? The working theory in Hublabs is that it all begins with the unholy union of Ikea, Amazon, and McDonalds.

P1-KLS: OH NO NO NO NO! YOU DON’T WANNA DO THAT! HUMANS HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME DEFINING TEMPORAL PARADOXES CAUSED BY CHANGES IN HISTORY. FOR EXAMPLE, WE TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO PLAY GIGS THROUGH A WORMHOLE EVERY SO OFTEN, AND THE ENTIRE ORGANIC-BASED CREW STILL THINKS THEY’RE PLAYING A GIG IN THE FUTURE. IT’S THE HUMAN MIND. IT WRITES OVER PARADOXES TO RETAIN IT’S OWN SANITY USING WHATEVER DELUSION THAT IS THE MOST RATIONAL. ROBOTS SEE SUCH THINGS MORE CLEARLY.
BESIDES…..IF YOU CHANGE THE TIMELINE I MIGHT NOT EVER GET BUILT. NOBODY WANTS THAT. MOSTLY ME, THOUGH.

Orlok: Don’t mind him. P1-KLS has major issues telling what year it is. He’s very old and we’re pretty sure his clock blinks at 12:00 constantly like an old VCR. We’ve never traveled through time. It’s impossible.

P1-KLS: SEE WHAT I MEAN?!!

Orlok: Übercorp actually started as a very small company in Richmond Virginia. Its rise to power was more insidious than any of the other large corporations that gained power on earth before The Great Discount Special of 2035. A lot of quiet deals and even more quiet money were involved. To be honest, at your place in time, I’m not even sure you could convince anyone that Ubercorp exists at all.

RVAHub: Our scientists have noticed some similarity in the binary subsystem ion splayers of P1-kls and the long-lost Hubnaut. Any comment?

P1-KLS: DID ITS BINARY SUBSYSTEM USE AN OBNOXIOUS CAPS LOCK TRANSLATION PROCESSOR?

RVAHub: No. I don’t think it did.

P1-KLS: NO RELATION THEN!!! PURE COINCIDENCE!!

RVAHub: Throughout time and apparently into the future, music is a powerful weapon. What is it about your sound that will ultimately defeat Übercorp?

P1-KLS: THE DRUM MACHINE!

RVAHub: We found this tintype in a cabinet in the basement of the Virginia Library in a moldy box marked “hoax”. It shows P1-kls with what appears to be Edgar Allan Poe. Care to comment?

P1-KLS: THAT’S TOTALLY NOT A HOAX. POE AND ME ARE BUDDIES. REAL CHEERFUL GUY. TERRIBLE COUGH THOUGH. SHOULD REALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT. I’M TELLING YOU, WORMHOLES MAN, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE. WE COULD BE ANYWHERE. WE COULD BE PLAYING FOR YOUR MOM RIGHT NOW AND YOU WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW IT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN BORN YET.

Orlok: He’s…not making sense again. Just ignore him. We all do.

At this point, all communication was cut off. We have found evidence in our timeline of the League of Space Pirates and have been able to cobble together a list of all the band members and ways that will allow everyday citizens to track this band of freedom fighters.

Captain Orlok – Leader, lead singer, and previously scientist for Übercorp.

P1-KLS – The League claims the robot is an Übercorp communications satellite. Suspension remains on his ties with the missing and now silent Hubnaut

Raith Pittas A.K.A. Parrot – Keyboardist not much else is known except that if see Captain Orlok you can be sure Parrot is around.

Mungo – Some sort of meat creature that somehow uses tentacles to play bass.

Chroma – The lone female of the band is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, inside of a fortune cookie of unknown. We do know that she backs up the captain on vocals. Hublabs states that Mungo might be a female as well but that would require exploration into anatomical features that they’re not willing to take on at their current salaries.

Rusty Shields – Guitarist and crewhand. Would require more research but his focus seems more music than revolution focused.

In this timeline, you can find the League of Space Pirates here: Facebook/Website/Twitter

More importantly, you can see them live this Saturday at Twisted Ale Works from 3-6 PM for the release of a new single, Impossible Girl.